Anonymous asked: Glitter is like the STD of the holidays.
"I think I saw that haircut—OH WAIT it was cited in the Journal of Homosexuality!"
Anonymous asked: "Oh man, don't even get me started on children STANDING!"
Anonymous asked: "See, there are a lot of things I don't like about dicks. Namely, the things they're attached to."
Anonymous asked: "I'm not laughing at dead people. I'm laughing at tumblr."
Friend 1: “What about a candle?”
Friend 2: “Am I meeting the neighbor or meeting the matriarch of the family I’m marrying into?”
Friend 1: “What about a candle…and some jam?”
Friend 2: “Am I going to a lesbian picnic or am I being invited to join someone’s family?”
"Oh my god she used moles and tHEN SHE USED MILLIMOLES. WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING MILLIMOLE?!"
"I trade back massages for helping me get alcohol. It’s all I have to offer, really."
"Mr. Rogers was great. Were you a fan of him as a child? Or even as a post-child?"
On wine bottle openers:
"I wonder if you sharpened a spin pin, could you use that?"
Student 1: How would you define your sexuality? (for a class)
Student 2: Well…see I like to think of myself as on a boat in an ocean…I think that guys are the mainland but girls are like a sandbar that I might just happen to hit and make a stop at
Student 2: Might be making a stop on the sandbar this weekend ;-)
I’m not straight, I’m not gay, and I’m not bisexual. I’m trysexual, I like to try things.
Anonymous asked: "All the MIT frat parties have been cancelled indefinitely! I don't know why it hasn't made, like, national news. It's a really big deal."
A really big deal